Har gått omkring och skakat hela dagen. Är så orkeslös, orkar inte lyfta armarna ens. Det känns som att jag fått en Cisordinol-spruta. Hjärtat slår fort och nervöst, jag ser jättesuddigt och orkar inte prata. Vet inte vad det är med mig, Jag är nog rent ångestsjuk.

Spelar Song for Sara och känner att jag är där igen, Malin beskriver mig så korrekt.

”She’s sleeping already
what a blessing, such a good pill
a dreamless dream but she’s a dreamer

she used to talk about freedom
and how she would beat them
the demons and the beetles in her head

but now she is sleeping
while living and breathing
and nothing seems to matter anymore
and the drugs keep on working
and the corner she’s turning is
turning her away from me

and i die over and over
but she cannot see me
or even the stars above
or hear the choir that’s singing
when the church bells are ringing in to hell
she rather die out in the cold
and the choir goes


reminiscing ain’t that good
it’s well understood that
some eyes have seen more than they could handle
so even if she wanted you
prepare yourself cause she won’t show you
the depth of her agony

you see she’s an endless ocean
of love and devotion kept back
by the safety of the shore

and she ran to hide away this night
passing all the street lights
ending up in the middle of nowhere
laying down defeated and listening to the sound of bells
god himself
tells her
she’s already in there

to live or to die it’s up for her to decide
but the beauty of life is yet to be seen
so yes it is your choice but this is my voice
and i’m telling you you are worth all the warmth

so you are sleeping already
what a blessing such a good pill
a dreamless dream
but YOU ARE a dreamer ”

Lyssna på den. Det är bland det vackraste jag någonsin fått och jag hittar både vemod och styrka i den. http://www.malinfrimodig.se och http://dissociativ.blogg.se/2009/june/malin-frimodig-song-for-sara.html

Vill bara bort nu. Vill bara ha lugn. Vill inte sakna, vill bara längta. Vill hitta hoppet.